so

Uh

So

Things took a turn. Ha. I fell onto the floor when i got back to my dorm room and laid there for a while and groaned and said some nonsense, then i got up and mumbled and said nonsense and talked to nobody and looked for my phone for like 15 minutes, because i knew somewhere in my clouded head i had to get up on time today and my phone doubles as an alarm, talked to myself some more, and then i realised

I DONT HAVE TO FEEL LIKE SHIT. wooo. god damn, i needed that. to fuckin RELAX. for once. let myself not be so concerned with everything. for a few hours. and i didnt feel like shit. it was incredible.

now i know why people do it.

and i said hi to her this morning, and used her name as well. it was incredible. maybe theres a chance. at this time yesterday i was ready to off myself, and today ... ride the glass elevator up up up up up upup till im past heaven past the stratosphere into the atmosphere, i wont even be near spheres, and i'm going to explode into a million happy pieces and be rained throughout the earth and people everywhere will ingest me somehow and i will become a part of the earth that i once thought i would be a part of, because i want to affect everybody, but there's only one of me.

Vonnegut says that every writer writes, consciously or not, to please one particular person.

How can a man be so smart.

Ka-


Boom.