I've decided, since nobody read this god damned thing, to use it as a venting area.

let's go through everything that has come to the forefront in the last few days

my god damn roommate slams the door every single time he enters or leaves the room, including 8:00 a.m. this morning, waking me up as he went on his way. there is no way i can combat this. this afternoon i slammed the door on my way out when he was trying to nap but i don't think it worked. the reason it didn't work is because he has this ability to block out extraneous sounds and stuff that i can't, and he just doesn't notice my music or my slamming the door or whatever. this ability has not found a home in me. he will never get the point even if i stood there at 3 in the morning opening and slamming the door every 5 minutes until 8 o clock in the morning. the other reason it will never work is that i would never confront him directly about this kind of thing so everything is moot.

my floor was an absolute dump after this weekend because nobody on this entire floor has ever had to clean up after themselves their entire lives.

i'm extremely, and silently, ambivalent to almost everybody around me, but i would never say anything about it. this will continue to be a problem for me, because there is no way i'll be saying anything about it because i don't want to be viewed as an uptight person, which i am not. i hate this city and i hate the students here. my classes are hard yet i still have hours upon hours just to sit there and get upset about everything. every girl i think i might have an interest in somehow ends up saying something or doing something or looking like something or somethinging like something that makes me throw any feelings out the door. i don't even know what i want but i know i haven't found it yet and i'm not so sure it's going to show its face eventually.

i am what i hate about myself and that's a circle with zero and infinite corners.

what the fuck am i doing here

other than that everything is good, though